First day of therapy and girl, you know I cried.
Not that it’s a competition or anything but in my head about 30 minutes in, I was like ‘Wow Cristina this is going so well, you’re so calm and measured. This is so unexpected. Well done to you‘.
Side note: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH CRYING, I was surprised I hadn’t cried at 30 minutes in! — Anyway, I was all calm, cool and collected, giving her a brief history of my life and then she said, ‘you mentioned your parents and sister briefly, but can you tell me more about your family?’ And of course, I’m like OH LET ME TELL YOU BOUT MY FAMILY. Little did I know, this was about to open the floodgates. The therapist was like, ‘well this seems to have really triggered you… do you have any idea why that might be?’.
Turns out there is a lot there to unpack (unsurprisingly).
The irony of all of this is that I was literally so worried about not having enough to say today. I was actually feeling pretty good – I had a great meeting with a client and was running on adrenaline… I was like DAMN I’M NOT EVEN THAT SAD TODAY WTF?? Um news flash, most of us have no problem talking about ourselves for a whole hour. ALSO, just because you’re having an okay day doesn’t mean you’re not depressed.
I very much needed to be there today.
It was all very preliminary but I really felt safe, heard, and free to explore my thoughts without fear of judgement. She asked a few really key questions and then shared a bit about her approach to therapy and how she usually works with her patients. It sounds like she has some training in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but works predominately as a… okay it’s now escaping me, but essentially she looks at relationships and behavioural patterns within those relationships with the belief that we tend to repeat these patterns over time and with different people. I actually am so relieved that I found her. I think her background and approach to therapy is going to work really well for me.
At the moment, I can only afford fortnightly sessions, but I am going to do what I can to change my spending habits so I’m able to go once per week. Lord knows, I need it. I’m planning to share as much as I can about my sessions on the blog. I believe that there is value in reading about the experiences of others and the tools they pick up along the way to not only cope, but prosper. Subsisting is no longer enough for me. I will find happiness.