I am embarrassed to acknowledge that it has been over a year and a half since I last posted here. There are, of course, a number of reasons for that. I was [double] promoted at work, planning our wedding, then enjoying being a newlywed (read: recovering from extreme post-wedding blues) while the rest of life happened in and around all of that. So here we are! Months and months later…
I am finally back with a long overdue life update…
We’re going to get into all these things but, in honour of the Severance season 2 finale and to pick up where I last left you, I’ll start with a career update.
Recalibrating my “innie” and “outie”
You might remember that in August 2023, I got a double promotion which caught me entirely by surprise.
I’ve now been in the role for about a year and a half and have learned A LOT since. It was a real gear shift in my career — one that I wouldn’t have said I felt ready for and which has pushed me out of my comfort zone almost everyday since. But, I am doing the job… seemingly pretty well. Although, as a perfectionist with a seemingly impossibly high threshold for even a modicum of self-belief, the “proof” is hardly enough to silence my internal monologue, which feeds — almost exclusively it would appear — on my imposter syndrome and is, therefore, replete with self-doubt.
But I had been working on it. I swear to you I had! Unfortunately, if there was even a small part of me that thought maybe I had started to get the hang of this confidence thing — or was at least capable of conjuring the illusion of confidence — the key takeaway of Q1 2025 is that I was mistaken.
Yes, some variation of “Cristina needs to work on her confidence” came through in my feedback (as I said, the irony is that I have been working on this for basically my whole life but especially in the last four years), but because this goes to the core of who I am, my intrinsic human nature, let’s just say I wasn’t surprised. Irrespective of any improvements made so far, I know this particular department continues to be one that requires my utmost attention — personally and professionally.
Because that’s just it. I don’t have a ‘work persona’. I haven’t fashioned a version of myself for the office that feels distinctive or more tailored for the workplace. I am bringing my whole self everyday… for better or worse.
But recent events (including my time spent watching Severance), have caused me to reflect on this. How should I be thinking differently about the way I show up at work? Can I cultivate my own version of an ‘innie’ that feels authentic and aligns with my values? Do I need a work persona so that I take work less personally? Would that feel protective or jarring for me? Would that make me happier, more successful, more confident? How can I solve this issue of confidence at work when I struggle with self-belief in other areas of life? What changes do I need to make to be a better and more effective leader and colleague, as well as a happier and more confident person — at work and beyond?
These are a few of the questions I’ve been working through in part with the help of a new therapist (more on that later). I know from experience that burying my head in the sand or “acting as if” isn’t going to cut it. Yes, I’ve been busy and stressed and all of the other things you might be when you’re giving work all you’ve got while simultaneously trying to invest in your health and wellbeing and maintain relationships with friends and family (the last of which I struggle to do well in the best of times). It does feel overwhelming most of the time but that distracts from the crux of the issue: I feel like I’ve lost myself in the midst of living my life.
The act of waking up and putting one foot in front of the other everyday for a decade appears insufficient if what you expect is to know yourself better at the end of it. There is a clear difference between between inertia and intention. Inertia carried me forward and somewhere along the way autopilot kicked in. Recent events and conversations have helped me realise I’ve got to play a more assertive character in the story of my life. I’ve got to pursue my own happiness with unwavering intention and persistence. I’ve got to find me again.
Which leads me back to my achilles heel: self-belief; the cornerstone of my personal joy and professional success.
Thank god the stakes are low am I right?
Still obsessing over my husband
Now onto my HUSBAND… (I love calling him that). Our wedding in Tuscany was two years in the making and everything I could have hoped for and more (FYI I’ve included a clip from our wedding film below!).
From the friends and family who joined us, to the team of people who worked with us to help make the day an overwhelmingly beautiful affair, we were surrounded and supported by some of the best.
I said this in my wedding speech (which, by the way, I’d highly recommend to any future brides), but it really was the happiest day of my life. It felt like something out of a fairytale — the setting, the emotion, all our favourite people around us. It was so beautiful that even now it brings tears to my eyes.
And I’m very pleased to say that it went off without a hitch despite a threatening weather forecast!
We were incredibly fortunate to have had a sunny and rain-free wedding day. Rory had been obsessively checking about five different weather apps in the two weeks leading up, so that we could make a call as to whether we wanted a marquee tent to cover our dinner area. Not only was the cost going to be exorbitant (we had to decide a week in advance if we wanted to secure it and then pay a non-refundable deposit of EUR 6K — 50% of the total fee), but it was going to completely detract from the alfresco wedding dinner I had always wanted. It felt like a leap of faith, but our wedding planners were confident in the forecast so we made a call and decided against the marquee with no plan B in place. Just as predicted, we had showers early in the afternoon on the Friday before our pre-event, a clear and beautiful Saturday for our wedding, and a dark and rainy Sunday. This did scupper my pool party plans but I counted it as a win nonetheless and we enjoyed and a very relaxed day at the villa with family instead.
I’ve shared a lot more on Instagram (you can watch my wedding highlight for all the details) but I had every intention of going into much more detail here to do a full debrief on the weekend, the venue, our experience with planning and the we would do differently etc. here on the blog. With our one year anniversary coming up, I feel like this would be a good opportunity to dig into some of those topics. What do you think?
Of course if there is anything in particular you’d like to know about planning a destination wedding or mini moon/honeymoon let me know!
A mini moon recap and… planning our honeymoon!
Speaking of our mini moon, we had a fantastic time in Ischia. We stayed at Mezzatorre, a hotel that had been on my list for quite awhile and did not disappoint. In fact, it was the highlight of the trip for me.
Ischia is beautiful and small enough that with just five days, we had plenty of time to lounge at our hotel, as well as sightsee, and try a few restaurants elsewhere on the island. In keeping with the temperamental weather I mentioned, we did have a couple of days of clouds and light rain which meant that we rejigged our plans to accommodate.
Although we brought our rental car across on the ferry, we did very little driving and elected to arrange taxis through our hotel. The road to Mezzatorre is particularly narrow, so most days we felt it wasn’t worth the effort to drive and meant Rory was able to relax and enjoy himself fully (passenger princess here!). The mini moon probably deserves a blog post of its own so, for now, you can see my mini moon highlight on Instagram and a few TikToks I’ve shared (the hotel room and grounds are to die for! We also had an amazing dinner that we arrived to by boat).
We are now in the early stages of planning our honeymoon, which we’ll be taking from mid October to mid November of this year. We are taking a full four weeks off, which coincides with my sabbatical at work. So, the timing couldn’t be better.
Anyway, the question is – where are we going?! We spent a lot of time discussing this together. We knew we wanted to have a mix of relaxation and sightseeing, so needed to choose a destination (or destinations) that would afford us both. We also needed to account for our good friends’ wedding we have coming up in Thailand in October. So we initially toyed with the idea of Australia and Fiji given we would have the time that would be required for a trip like that and it ticked a lot of boxes for us.
But, I think there was a part of me that wanted to have a honeymoon experience that felt very different to anything I’ve experienced before and because everyone and their brother appears to be planning a holiday there (or just back from one), we settled on Japan! So we’ll be doing a week in Thailand, three weeks in Japan, and one night in Hong Kong).
The recent surge in tourism to Japan made me slightly apprehensive about our decision, but there were a couple of factors that tipped the scale including the time of year we’ll be there (fall in Japan looks INSANE and should be a little less crowded) and the range of experiences we’ll be able to have in the three weeks we are there. Rory has been before (he was 16 at the time), but is very excited to go back and visit some of the places he wasn’t able to the first time around. For my part, I already have a laundry list of hotels and restaurants and sights I would like to visit and, although three weeks sounds like a long time, I am already wondering how we’re going to fit it all in without overwhelming ourselves!
It was quite the come down following the wedding so I’ve been very grateful to have the honeymoon to look forward to and a big holiday to plan. We’ve already spent a number of weekends building out our itinerary (still very much a WIP!), researching the places on my list and agreeing the things we’d most like to do together while we’re there. I think we just about have our hotels confirmed — apart from in Tokyo — so that’s a huge win. Plus all of our flights have been booked (can’t wait to fly with Cathay Pacific!), so we are locked in! I’m starting to get excited…
Trying to get back on track with diet and exercise
Priorities change with the ebb and flow of life and clearly mine have been focused elsewhere in recent months.
Diet and exercise were a non-negotiable for me in the many months leading up to my wedding and it showed. I was so proud of how I felt in my body on my wedding day and I can’t tell you enough how nice it is to be able to say that. There was a time in my life when I wouldn’t have thought that kind of peace with my body on a day as important as my wedding would be possible.
But there is no doubt that it has since taken a back seat and I do not feel anywhere close to my best — not just from a weight and strength perspective; my energy levels and mental health have also suffered. It becomes a slippery slope for me… As I loosen my grip on my nutrition, I notice other choices I make start to slip as well. Before I know it, I’m less consistent with workouts, drinking more red wine, eating more dark chocolate and skimping too regularly on leafy vegetables.
I need to remember that even if, in parallel, things are going well in other areas of my life, failing to prioritise my health has an impact on my confidence and self-belief too (here’s the full circle moment you’ve been waiting for).
It’s important to me that as I work through the questions around my identity and career, I make a concerted effort to prioritise and nurture the part of me that has always enjoyed working out and eating well. And by eating well, I don’t mean eating out (which I do love to do so much!), I mean eating well — getting sufficient protein and fibre, enjoying colourful fruits and veggies at every meal, treating myself to wine just once a week, and consuming chocolate more mindfully and selectively.
When it comes to workouts, I need to get back to three strength sessions a week. I’ve been building back to that following a few months of severe neck pain which required me to take most of January, February and March off. But, with the help of a physio, the situation appears to be under control at last and I’ve slowly been increasing the weight during my one to two sessions per week.
Anyway, I think that’s enough for now! I promise to show up here much more regularly moving forward because I know how valuable the mental processing that happens with each stroke of the keys is to me and how good it feels to write. I also know that developing my confidence isn’t going to happen unless I put myself out there. And sharing here is just one small way I can do that.
Thanks for reading and supporting me over the years… Here’s to showing up and accepting that done is better than perfect.
xx Cristina
P.S. This is a little snippet from our wedding film. It’s one of my favourite clips!