This week I have been at my lowest point in quite some time. Mentally, it has taken all of my focus to get through a workday and physically, it has taken every last drop of energy to just get out of bed and get myself back home afterward.
I stepped back from training. I let myself eat however much of whatever I wanted. I just let go because those were two things I just couldn’t fit into my brain this week. I saw a hint of a tricep this evening as I stepped into the shower with my popsicle (long story) and I was reminded that everything I have done to beat myself up over not working out, not eating ‘well’, not drinking enough water, eating too much sugar etc., etc. was a god damn waste of my time and a real tragedy. We’re allowed to have bad weeks. We’re allowed to have bad months. But it does get better even though there are times when it feels like it can’t possibly. And I’m grateful to the people in my life who have reminded me of that recently even when I didn’t want to hear it.
Something else that occurred to me as I was eating my shower popsicle and listening to Rachel Hollis – social media fucks me over so much because I look to other people to see how I should be living my life, how much better I could be doing if only I… fill in the blank. But that’s so toxic and so debilitating and it’s literally the best way to kick yourself when you’re already down. So, as I look to start a new, better week… I’m going to be keeping my attention on me. This next F45 challenge has come at the perfect time and I’m looking forward to spending 8 concerted weeks getting after some of the goals I set for 2019.
I will not punish myself. I will only pick myself up, dust myself off and try again tomorrow.